I usually don't say much on my blog but I have a bit to say about the last two drawings.The last drawing is a self portrait and I drew myself pretty ugly and fat. Now....when I drew this in a cafe with several of my friends two of them said something like this:
"Awwwww Nelson that's not you, you're not fat or ugly.....
"Yea man....that's not you at all."
This kind of bothered me. I mean....Should I draw myself like a charming prince with rippling muscles and pearly whites?
That's really boring to me. I actually used to do that and my girlfriend (saintly woman that she is,) would make fun of me.
My self-portraits used to look like anime-inspired-bad-ass-kicking-mofo-crap. They were shit. Badly drawn badly colored shit-on-a-stick.
And my girlfriend laughed mercilessly. And right she was!
My other problem with my two friends was that they seemed to think this drawing was how I saw myself in my head.
When I look at art I want to see something interesting that will catch my eye, perhaps make me laugh. And when I draw myself fat and ugly it's funny to me, it's like the worst most mischievous version of myself and I think it's hilarious.
It's not how think of myself in actuality. Can anyone really say how they see themselves in their own heads. It might be really obnoxious.
We probably all want to be the best at whatever we do, and say, and react, but that's boring. Mr. Perfect is boring. Defeat, Failure, shortcomings, ticks...they give personality and make a person layered and not a one-dimensional fuck.
The third of my buddies really liked this drawing though and commented that it was pretty cool. I was pretty happy with that.
The monster right above that with no arms screaming "MARMALADE," is another drawing that got some strange reactions.
I drew this at work and several people asked me if I was ok.
"Um.....yea......i'm fine. Why do you ask?"
Person uncomfortably gestures towards screaming monster guy with no arms.
"Oh yeaaaaaaa. Like him?"
"uh yea.....anything you want to talk about? Having a bad day?"
You've gotta be kidding me. I draw a weird screaming monster and you think that reflects my thoughts?
To be fair I can understand them trying to associate it to how I feel as work has been stressful as of late but what about imagination? What about stream of consciousness?
I like weird creatures. I grew up watching Alien, and Predator and other monster movies. Monsters are part of world subconsciousness. Grendel from Beowulf, the Wolf from the Three Little Pigs or Red Riding Hood, the Bogey Man.
I don't blame people though because I think I was at that state of literal-ness right after graduating from school.
Every drawing I did had to have some sort of meaning, or stupid back story behind it. And if it didn't...well....I just didn't draw it. So stupid.
Now I just draw whatever seems to be revealing itself on the page. It's kind of like unwrapping a present or opening a secret door.
I think it's taken me a while to get back to this point. I say "back to this point," because when we were kids we mostly just copied and on a good day, we drew something crazy that had no rhyme or reason. Just for fun.
Kind of sad I had to work to get back to that point. But I'm pretty happy now that I can be content to just draw impulsively for fun using shapes and imagination to guide me.
